Some Quliaty Analysis from Timed Essays

by bmccarey99 @ 2008-11-21 – 10:55:21

Thought I'd take a break from marking the most recent timed essay on "Flight" and "TEOS" to share some really good comparison which a couple of people have come up with. Look at the way they've chosen quotations from each story which link together really closely and then explained and compared individual words in relation to the question (In “Flight”, the Grandfather loses something but comes to terms with it. Compare how Doris Lessing and the writer of one other story present characters dealing with loss.):

1.
"He lifted his eyes to smile proudly down the garden at his Granddaughter.”
“Marjorie stood up. Nick sat there, his head in his hands.”

Interestingly, in both quotations the authors have used height as a way of making the characters seem more powerful and therefore better at dealing with loss. The way that the Grandfather is smiling “down” at his granddaughter whilst Marjorie has “stood up” gives the reader a sense that both characters have a sense of victory about how well they have dealt with their losses. It also makse Alice and Nick seem weak and suggests that they are emotional characters who deal with loss badly.

NB. These two quotations were anlysed individually first and then this paragraph of comparison came afterwards. They were not just listed then compared. This is wrong and bad, particularly if you initials are DH.

2.
Near the end of the story, the Grandfather finally realises that he has to deal with the loss:
“The old man turned, slowly, taking his time; he lifted his eyes to smile proudly down the garden at his granddaughter.” So he “let it go”, just like Nick told Marjorie to. After he has, he felt that it was the right thing to do hence he “smiled proudly”. The word “proudly” demonstrates that he is truly satisfied with himself as, for him, letting go was not an easy thing to do. The fact that he “turned slowly” also suggests that it took him a lot of time to face up to the consequences of his decision. On the other hand, Nick is finding it much harder to deal with the consequences of his decision (which resulted in his loss):
“Nick went back and lay down with his face in the blanket by the fire.” Nick’s actions demonstrate that he is deeply upset and he therefore looks vulnerable as this image makes him seem like a child who is lost and upset. Nevertheless, this image could differ from the reality of Nick’s feelings in that he might not be hurt because his relationship with Marjorie has ended but because of Marjorie’s indifferent reaction. The word “down” also shows his negative thoughts and feelings and seems like he keeps looking back and witnessing the past over and over again. This contrasts with the word “lifted” from “Flight” where the Grandfather lifts his eyes which gives us a feeling of a new beginning and future.

Both these extracts show A* quality writing. Should have the rest of these essays back to you next week.