This morning we revised persuasive writing, analysing a sample response to the 2006 exam question to identify the following features:
•Rhetorical questions
•Alliteration
•Imperative verbs
•Emotive language
•Emotive anecdote
•Short sentences
•Repetition
•Use of “You”
We then discuess how these features were far more effective when used in "threes" rather than individually and analysed the way this was done in the example.
The focus of the lesson then switched to "emotive anecdotes" beginning with the words "Imagine, if you will,..." and then explaining how life could be better or worse depending on the reader's decision. You wrote a couple of these based on past exam questions.
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Sir, I have attempted the task:
ReplyDelete'Write a letter to a TV company persuading them that they should produce more interesting programmes for teenagers'.
I am writing to you today because recently I have had drawn to my attention that you are not producing interesting, up to date and comic programmes. Do you not realise how much teenagers rely on television? That is their life! TV is one of the world’s most precious, special and forever changing aspects. We need it.
Now, I understand TV is a difficult thing to control as there are thousands upon thousands of requests however think about your audience. Ask yourself: “who are the TV addicts? What do they want on TV?” Do you understand? Teenagers! They are your answer. They love TV!
Imagine, if you will a young, small and fragile boy named Peter. As he mindlessly struggles home with his heavy backpack stuffed with books, slowly weighing him down, he stops to think. Think about TV. He knows when he gets home there won’t be anything on, just politics and the Tweenies. When he realises this he just simply, gives up. Peter doesn’t even see the point in struggling home; he will only be disappointed. Do you really want Peter and all the other innocent children to feel this way? Peter used to love coming home after a long hard day but not anymore, his dreams are shattered. Gone forever.
Now imagine, if you will the same boy named Peter but this time he is strong, bright eyed and fully awake. Peter is running, sprinting as fast as his little legs can carry him. Do you know why? He cannot wait to see the brand new adventures of ‘Super Chick’. Yes, you are correct; that is the name of a fantastic new TV programme. Peters dream came true. He wished for a new programme to excite, entice and amaze the teenagers as he strolled home from a hard day. When he gets home, just like the other teenagers, he kicks off his shoes in a hurry and leaps onto the sofa awaiting his dreams. All teenagers should have this experience, shouldn’t they? They deserve best.
I know what you are thinking- “does it matter that Peter doesn’t have entertaining programmes?” why yes my friend, it does. AS Peter is only one of the thousands of teenagers out there but he represents an entire nation of dreaming children. Peter is the source. The different between these two problems is the hope in teenager’s hearts, the hope for amazing TV. TV can change their lives, forever.
I know you want to help these poor, indecent and mindless children. I know you see their pain. And most of all i now you want what is best. You want to create a mind blowing, fantastic programme for these children. I know what you want. I promise you, you can achieve what you want. The children will love you for it, you just need the courage.
I will now leave you with this thought. It is a though taken from a little child, just like Peter. The thought is this: If TV were interesting, how come teenagers don’t seem to watch it? I know you will make the right decision and change those dull, boring programmes. I know you have the brains and determination. You can do it, just imagine; imagine the teenager’s joyful expressions.
Please, just imagine.
Sincerely,
TV Person.
This is great writing, well done. A couple of small things will help you mark:
ReplyDelete1) Throw in a really short paragraph at some point (i.e. one sentence)
2) Vary you punctuation a little more: : ; ! - etc.
Good stuff though.
Sir, today in class I finsihed off writing the Persuasvie piece about drinking that you wrote. I was wondering, if you have time, if you could write it on here so I can revise from it?
ReplyDeleteThank you,
Helen Oldham
Lizzy:
ReplyDeleteDear Sir,
I am writing to tell you with hope that you will enable me to reach my ambitious destiny, which will soon come true. I understand that my confidence yet somewhat arrogance is apparent to a man of your high status, I am also conscious that my good name has been tainted by your colleagues but I shall overlook their unprofessional demeanour; this time. You will be my ladder sir, you will help me reach my promising perfect and privileged future, you will help me uncover my fabulous fate! Of course, if you have the obligation to disagree you’ll be crushing my dreams like an exterminator stamping on those hopeless bugs. Who would do that?
The first time I heard about “Tiny Talent”, I knew in my heart there was yearning for me to dial the number as soon as possible, I knew in my heart that I was ready for this big opportunity, I knew in my heart that a implausible educator such like yourself would push me to go for this big break; I knew sir, I knew it deep down! Immediately, I signed up and went to the audition; as I had expected, the judges were blown away by my performance and begged me to go to the next round. Of course, there was the catch that I had to take two weeks off of school, but I knew that the most generous and gallant Headmaster would accept my request, knowing that I am not only talented but intelligent and worthy of these two weeks off. So, as I thanked each of four judges, I envisioned you being proud, so proud that you were spinning on your business like leather large chair. Can you imagine it? Can you imagine a pupil from your school winning the competition? I certainly can.
Imagine if you will, that you turn down my single, sole, solitary need. Alas, not only do you turn it down, but you turn it down with a venomous glint in your eye, remembering the myths that you’d heard in the teachers’ lounge that a girl like me was “delusional, and deceiving.” Instanty, my dreams would be snatched within me, and all hope and talent would’ve dissolved. Imagine, in ten years to come and your walking home to your suburban house with your two sons waiting for a bed time story. You see a lurking shadow in the depths of the December night, and there the girl that you so callously turned down is awaiting you; her breath reeks, her polished looks are no more and an expression of despondence is etched onto her once beautiful face. You sir, you would’ve caused this misery that had ruined this girls hopes and dreams. Sir, that girl will be me if you deny my dream. Do you want that sir? Would you want that behaviour inflicted onto your precious boys? Would you want that venomous bite to make me recoil from my fantastic fate?
Now imagine, that you a handsome headmaster agreed to my request, agreed to let me demonstrate my talent to the world, agreed to let me take two tiny weeks off in order to become legendary, an icon, a local hero. Imagine, ten years from now, sitting on your comfortable couch, staring at the television when you suddenly recognise a glittering star, a dazzling young woman on a stage infront of a roaring audience in Madison Square, and as she pours out her love to the audience she looks directly into one of the thousand camera’s, and thanks you, the Headmaster, the man sitting on the sofa, the man who had generously agreed to her destiny. Sir, if you agree to this pure hope of mine, I guarantee that the girl will be me. Who would you rather, the dazzling dancer grinning into the camera, or the despondent dark girl her empty eyes boring into yours? Which is it Sir? It may seem simple, but that one syllable rests on my future.
I will leave you with one thought Sir, It is a thought taken from an icon, a star; it is me sir, two weeks to prepare me for fate or the rest of my days to prepare me for the darkness that will engulf me into a life of misery and sadness. Choose the right answer. Choose ‘yes.’ I can promise you this, you will never regret it, and I know you will make the right choice which will hopefully enable me to rise above and beyond.
Sincerely
Sir, I am not sure what sort of punctuation to use here:
ReplyDelete"I will leave you with this final thought: 'What could this one boy, the one boy who was left to die through starvation and thirst, have achieved if he was given the chance, the one chance to actually live his life?'"
thank you!
2. Write a letter to a TV company persuading them that they should produce more interesting programmes for teenagers
ReplyDeleteDear TV Company,
Did you know that over 70% of the population are between the ages 13-18? However, it appears that there are very few programmes which can satisfy a teenager’s happiness, entertainment and excitement. How can this be? Do you intentionally let us teenagers suffer? Is your job not to entertain the vast majority of this country?
As I flick through the channels, not a single one appeals to me. Programmes such as “Toddler Time”, “Mother’s guide to cooking” and “100 best stones” exists to satisfy the minor 30% which are NOT teenagers. Tell me- where is the justice? Although my younger sibling and parents are happy with what they watch, I cannot say I am. Not only I; But every single teenager out.
Imagine, if you will, a windy winter day. It’s too cold to go out. After completing the oversized piles of homework given by his demonic teachers, a teenager seeks some rest- A simple pleasant rest. That is all he asks for. After going through the channels one by one, he struggles to find one programme- just one programme- which holds any interest to the youth today. Can he ever catch a break? This traumatized teenager didn’t ask for much and yet not one wish can be granted.
Now imagine, on the same day, the same boy. Once he triumphs in finishing his work for the day, he can lay back, relax and be entertained. At the push of a button, he is instantly exposed to laughter, suspense and drama. The programme pulls him in so much you can hear his heart beating rapidly as it continues.
Airing programmes for us teenagers has its benefits all around; we get the entertainment, you get the popularity and money. Everybody wins. Remember this: it is up to you to make this big change to every teenager out there; it is up to you to show that TV isn’t just for incompetent toddlers and fragile grannies; it is up to you to change the world. So heed my advice and add those gripping, adventurous and suspenseful programmes to your channels and make 100% of the people proud- not just 30.
Thank you for reading.
Yours Sincerely,
Simba